SUPPORT
Supporting those who have suffered intimate partner violence against men (IPVM) will require several actions: educating yourself, talking with others, and altering the civic and nonprofit ecosystem (policies, services, and training). Here are actions that can help.
What you can do
If you are a victim of intimate partner violence against men (IPVM)…
Never retaliate
Leave if possible
Get evidence of the abuse
Track the abuse in a digital or physical journal (that won’t be found)
Obtain advice and support that won’t be subject to your partner’s surveillance or monitoring
IPVM: Systemic Bias
There are many obstacles to services and assistance.
Gender Stereotypes
IPVM can be life-threatening and causes significant physical and mental health issues but is percieved as non-serious and even humorous.
Men can be see as more violent, threatening, and harmful and therefore more abusive and more deserving of punishment
Shelters
How many domestic violence shelters for transitional residency or emergency use can you think of in your region? How many of those same shelters assist men exclusively or even a small percentage?
627 domestic violence shelters in Canada. 6% admit men. Zero are for men.
1% of beds designated for men in the United Kingdom shelters
Counselors
The few men who seek help from counselors are often met with reactions which reinforce gender stereotypes and the prevailing social wisdom that men only abuse and can’t be victims.
Men who seek help are often not believed and turned away.
Men are told they can’t be victims, ridiculed, or told they probably deserved it.
The ridicule and disbelief from counselors creates a secondary victimization as men fail to receive support from those trained to assist them.
Mental health concerns in men increase when not believed.
Treatment Services
When calling a hotline or reaching out to nonprofits that assist with IPV, men are not assisted in consistent manners because assistance may not available and workers may lack the appropriate training to respond.
Legal
Laws are enforced arbitrarily, impacted by geography, class, race, and culture
Misconception in legal system that IPV is only male to female
Police assume the male is at fault.
Complaints by men are often dismissed.
Men are denied their victimhood.
Actions
Change name of a new act by Housing and Urban Development: VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ACT (VAWA)
The second sentence of the act reads: Despite the name of the law, VAWA’s protections apply regardless of sex, sexual orientation, or gender identity.
This weak disclaimer does little when the title of the act reinforces the widely held misconception that men are perpetrators of abuse and not victims of abuse. It illustrates the systemic bias that keeps this epidemic invisible.
IPVM in the News
Men breaking free, Houston, Texas, Feb. 14, 2023
Domestic violence incident raises questions on men being abused, Lexington, Kentucky, Feb. 10, 2023
Resources
BBC Documentary Abused By My Girlfriend